Those that have taken a vow of abstinence aside, most of those still breathing crave some solo travel romance. A recent article explaining that travellers have increased sex appeal will be welcome news then. Imagine that, every passport stamp makes the owner seem more attractive to the opposite sex, even the most romantically challenged can have the sexual magnetism of a film or sports star.
Collecting passport stamps has taken on a new relevance, being well-travelled can help those with breath capable of peeling paint find a partner. Having a comprehensive travel résumé will apparently enable Shrek lookalikes to become romantically entangled with a string of stunning babes or handsome hunks.
Married couples or those that travel with partners will find this less appealing than travel alone types for obvious reasons, couples have hopefully already found their soul mate. Solo travellers however will be greatly relieved to discover they’ve reached apex status in the sexual desirability stakes, especially those with over developed forearms and digits.
It seems to suggest some ways in which all these new sex symbols can best capitalise on their newly discovered appeal. Offering some tongue in cheek strategies to avoid it becoming a problem and not a blessing.
Dropping the bombshell
This is tricky, picking the right moment to make the local hottie aware of this extensive travel experience requires a degree of care. Blurting out “I’ve visited over 100 countries” before asking if the seat next to them is free is unlikely to produce the desired result. After several minutes of small talk dropping a full passport may seem like a good ploy but by then the halitosis or Shrek-like appearance may already have driven them to distraction elsewhere.
This emphasises the need to tell them of the travellers journeying prowess early in the meeting, dropping it quickly into the conversation soon after the greeting will hopefully avoid an early “goodbye”
Once the bait is taken, travel anecdotes may be liberally woven into the conversation to keep them on the hook. Outright lying needs avoiding, however believable embellishment encouraged, exaggeration possibly a great aphrodisiac.
Destination quality, also seems important, as the quantity. Maybe one visit to the Antarctic equates to two visits to Paris and a whole year in Stockton-upon-Tees? A camping trip in the Okavango Delta is probably also sexier than a couple of nights under canvas in the South Downs.
Dealing with Success
Assuming that the strategy is successful, it will be necessary to deal with this newly discovered sexual magnetism. The first and most obvious challenge is finding a suitable place to profit from this success, hotel rooms are convenient, hostel dormitories are not. Often a difficult choice needs making, between finding some alone time or upsetting all the other dorm guests. Only those that not only look like Shrek, but have his disposition and appearance will be able to ignore the displeasure their frequent romantic liaisons will undoubtedly create.
There is also the ‘safe sex’ decision, condom or not to condom. Safe sex is not an unnatural act with a valuables storage facility or a clandestine liaison on the floor to avoid falling from a dormitory bunk bed. Maybe now would be a good time to seek a sponsorship deal with Durex, saving a fortune in rubber purchases in future. I’ve been caught out; mentioning safe sex has only been an excuse to make some bad jokes!
Groupies or Stalkers
At some point all these passport stamps and the travellers portfolio will become so extensive that they may need lessons in self-defence to fight off potential partners. Each extra ink blot adding to their attractiveness however becoming a sex symbol may become overwhelming and actually become difficult to deal with. The idea of groupies probably appeals to many a solo traveller but magazine composite messages or bunny boilers may not seem so appealing.
The idea of threesomes and beach swinging parties, throwing passports into a pile and picking them out at random should probably remain a fantasy. Solo travel maybe sexy but those that travel are unlikely to ever become super appealing. Shrek has become a favourite film character but heart-throb he is not. Regardless of how well-travelled he becomes only Princess Fiona will ever want his babies.
I’ve run out of even remotely amusing things to say on this topic, ok maybe not but for the sake of decency and concise posting it’s time to close. It’s probably obvious that I’m not totally convinced about the degree of sexual attraction travelling provides, like most things attitude seems more relevant. Just in case though, I’m off to forge some extra passport stamps.