The Solo Travellers Guide to Sex

Those that have taken a vow of abstinence aside, most of those still breathing crave some solo travel romance. A recent article explaining that travellers have increased sex appeal will be welcome news then. Imagine that, every passport stamp makes the owner seem more attractive to the opposite sex, even the most romantically challenged can have the sexual magnetism of a film or sports star.

Solo travel sex; The Aigüestortes i Estanys de Sant Maurici National Park in the Catalan region of Spain on Mallory on Travel, adventure, adventure travel, photography Iain Mallory-300-50_catalonia

Travelling couples need not apply

Collecting passport stamps has taken on a new relevance, being well-travelled can help those with breath capable of peeling paint find a partner. Having a comprehensive travel résumé will apparently enable Shrek lookalikes to become romantically entangled with a string of stunning babes or handsome hunks.

Married couples or those that travel with partners will find this less appealing than travel alone types for obvious reasons, couples have hopefully already found their soul mate. Solo travellers however will be greatly relieved to discover they’ve reached apex status in the sexual desirability stakes, especially those with over developed forearms and digits.

It seems to suggest some ways in which all these new sex symbols can best capitalise on their newly discovered appeal. Offering some tongue in cheek strategies to avoid it becoming a problem and not a blessing.

Dropping the bombshell

This is tricky, picking the right moment to make the local hottie aware of this extensive travel experience requires a degree of care. Blurting out “I’ve visited over 100 countries” before asking if the seat next to them is free is unlikely to produce the desired result. After several minutes of small talk dropping a full passport may seem like a good ploy but by then the halitosis or Shrek-like appearance may already have driven them to distraction elsewhere.

This emphasises the need to tell them of the travellers journeying prowess early in the meeting, dropping it quickly into the conversation soon after the greeting will hopefully avoid an early “goodbye”

Once the bait is taken, travel anecdotes may be liberally woven into the conversation to keep them on the hook. Outright lying needs avoiding, however believable embellishment encouraged, exaggeration possibly a great aphrodisiac.

Solo travel sex; Ernest Hemmingway's favourite bar La Floridita in Havana, Cuba on Mallory on Travel, adventure, adventure travel, photography Iain Mallory-300-28-1 la_floridita

Some travellers are beyond any help

Destination quality, also seems important, as the quantity. Maybe one visit to the Antarctic equates to two visits to Paris and a whole year in Stockton-upon-Tees? A camping trip in the Okavango Delta is probably also sexier than a couple of nights under canvas in the South Downs.

Solo travel; Carnival goer at Camaguey on the Caribbean island of Cuba on Mallory on Travel, adventure, adventure travel, photography Iain Mallory-300-17A camaguey_cuba

The art of attraction

Dealing with Success

Assuming that the strategy is successful, it will be necessary to deal with this newly discovered sexual magnetism. The first and most obvious challenge is finding a suitable place to profit from this success, hotel rooms are convenient, hostel dormitories are not. Often a difficult choice needs making, between finding some alone time or upsetting all the other dorm guests. Only those that not only look like Shrek, but have his disposition and appearance will be able to ignore the displeasure their frequent romantic liaisons will undoubtedly create.

There is also the ‘safe sex’ decision, condom or not to condom. Safe sex is not an unnatural act with a valuables storage facility or a clandestine liaison on the floor to avoid falling from a dormitory bunk bed. Maybe now would be a good time to seek a sponsorship deal with Durex, saving a fortune in rubber purchases in future. I’ve been caught out; mentioning safe sex has only been an excuse to make some bad jokes!

Groupies or Stalkers

At some point all these passport stamps and the travellers portfolio will become so extensive that they may need lessons in self-defence to fight off potential partners. Each extra ink blot adding to their attractiveness however becoming a sex symbol may become overwhelming and actually become difficult to deal with. The idea of groupies probably appeals to many a solo traveller but magazine composite messages or bunny boilers may not seem so appealing.

The idea of threesomes and beach swinging parties, throwing passports into a pile and picking them out at random should probably remain a fantasy. Solo travel maybe sexy but those that travel are unlikely to ever become super appealing. Shrek has become a favourite film character but heart-throb he is not. Regardless of how well-travelled he becomes only Princess Fiona will ever want his babies.

I’ve run out of even remotely amusing things to say on this topic, ok maybe not but for the sake of decency and concise posting it’s time to close. It’s probably obvious that I’m not totally convinced about the degree of sexual attraction travelling provides, like most things attitude seems more relevant. Just in case though, I’m off to forge some extra passport stamps.

Solo travel; Carnival vendor at Camaguey on the Caribbean island of Cuba on Mallory on Travel, adventure, adventure travel, photography Iain Mallory-300-229 camaguey_festival

One for the ladies

1

Comments 12

  1. Zoë Dawes

    Oh Iain this made me laugh more than any blog post has done for ages – in a good way of course 😉 I ‘recognise’ you from my back-packing days round SE Asia when the guys would do the ‘My passport’s bigger than yours’ kind of thing! And I do remember being very ‘influenced’ by a rather gorgeous French photographer who’s Vietnam stamp did it for me … Bon chance young man x

    1. Post
      Author
      Iain

      Thanks Zoe I’m glad it gave you a laugh. Surprised to hear you were so easily impressed by a Vietnam stamp though, maybe some truth in this sex appeal stuff after all 😉

    1. Post
      Author
      Iain

      Glad you liked it Charlie, the pic was taken by a companion without any photography skills and pretty shaky hands in a low light setting so it is what it is 😉 Good luck with the Vietnam stamp, might need it backdating to the 70s though.

  2. Jess

    There are bonus’ here for people who may like to meet someone away from the scrutiny of friends and family. The slightly dodgey looking geezer you pulled can be transformed into a fantasy god in the telling/remembering. You are never as truly free to be your-experimental-self as when travelling. And for how many has that travel fling turned into the real thing. I’ve met many couples who got together ‘on the road’. (However I’m not one of them – despite searching the world – I ended up married to an old school friend!)
    Nice to see a humorous blog!

    1. Post
      Author
      Iain

      Hey Jess nothing wrong with old school friends! I agree the chance of a little holiday romance can add a bit of spice to a trip and as long as there aren’t any incriminating photos feel it’s ok to exaggerate their stunning good looks to all those gullible enough to believe it 😉 It was a conscious decision to add begin to add somemore amusing posts, I like humour and tend not to use it enough in every day writing.

    1. Post
      Author
      Iain

      Thanks Anis, glad you got some smiles out of it. The Antartic is on my resume, just need to add the Okavango Delta too 😉

  3. Ross

    Good story. I do think though that when travelers intermingle there is definitely a lot more chemistry than if you met back home. In my experience the locals were not interested in my passport stamps or my Shrek good looks but only that I wasnt a local seemed to do it for them. Fine by me!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *